Perfectionism Almost Stopped Me From Launching The Power Of Club
. . .
I dislike the word perfectionism and I’d never willingly label myself as a perfectionist. But undeniably, I am one. My perfectionism is a serious problem, a sickness that I must find a cure for.
I came up with the idea of The Power Of Club more than a year ago. And perfectionism almost stopped me from launching it. In the early stages, I was eager and optimistic; I was a creative machine. I generated dozens of vision boards and business plans and created a website ready to be launched.
But then…
I deleted it.
Why? Because it wasn’t good enough. I knew it could be better, so I spent the past year trying to perfect it. And as my expectation rose, my self-confidence dimmed. I felt incapable and clueless. I could never seem to reach my standards and the thought of “not doing enough” paralyzed me. I literally could not bring myself to work on The Power Of Club because, in my mind, it was already not good enough, so why even try?
I took time off from working on the Club, only barely interacting with it when an idea or a surge of inspiration emerged.
I felt disconnected and discouraged.
But I was determined to make it happen. With the help of my support system and my unwillingness to give up, I finally set a launch date. However, this still wasn’t enough for me to get to work. I would experience the crippling sensation whenever I tried to write an article or figure out a kink on the website. I saw my work as incompetent and unsatisfactory; I was paralyzed again.
But this time, I could not just take time off. I had a deadline to meet so I had no choice but to find the root of the problem and its solution.
I asked myself:
“Why do I procrastinate?”
“Why do I feel like I’m never doing enough?”
“Why am I afraid?”
And my answers:
“Because being bad at something is unacceptable, so avoid it for as long as possible.”
“Because your standards are unrealistically high and unachievable in the given time frame.”
“Because you believe you’ve already failed.”
My procrastination, fear, and incompetency were driven by one thing: the need to be perfect.
. . .
And upon hours of research and reflection, this is what I learned about perfectionism:
No. 1 | Perfection is a sickness of the imagination.
- It is harmful to our spirits, and it is difficult to live with.
- According to the School of Life, our problems lie not just in our love for perfection, but in our tendencies to underbudget for the difficulties of achieving perfection.”
- We mistakenly believe something is easier to achieve than it actually is.
No. 2 | Perfectionism kills productivity and induces procrastination.
- When perfectionism overrides our cogent senses, we start drowning in the pressure of having to be perfect.
- We don’t do the work we need to do to avoid feeling inferior to our own expectations. Why? Because we can’t fail if we don’t even try.
No. 3 | Perfectionism keeps our work from being seen.
- Brené Brown once said, “[perfectionism] is a 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from getting hurt. When in truth, it is keeping us being seen.”
- Imagine if I allowed perfectionism to consume me? There would be no The Power Of Club. My work would be left in my dusty ‘attic of almost perfectness’.
No. 4 | Perfectionism is fed by shame.
- What is shame? A painful feeling derived from the consequences of a humiliating or distressing behavior/performance.
- Perfectionism is the weed of our beliefs.
During my research on perfectionism, several resources claimed perfection was driven by shame, which I had initially disagreed with. I did not feel shameful; shamefulness translated into a lack of confidence, and I am a very confident person. But upon more thought, perfectionism is a mechanism we use to complete the lack of confidence in certain areas of our lives. For me, I use perfectionism to validate my competency and contribution.
The essence of perfectionism is the belief of not being enough. And it is a belief that I no longer want to hold onto. I want to feel enough, and I know I am.
Here’s a list of solutions I’m using to overcome perfectionism (and they are working):
Solution 1 | Exposure Therapy
- What do we do here at The Power Of Club? We do the thing that scares us the most. I am afraid of being imperfect, so I am intentionally being imperfect. The more you expose yourself to imperfection, the less you fear it. Fight the fears, baby.
- Fun Fact: I intentionally launched the power of club unfinished and imperfect. The thought of it was unsettling, but I did it and nothing bad happened. Did anyone even notice?
Solution 2 | Limit re-dos and set deadlines
- Reduce the number of ‘retakes.’ You don’t have time for another retake, a better future is waiting for you. Step away from the past.
- Set deadlines and stick to them. I publicly announced the launch date of The Power Of Club across my platforms and there was no turning back…
- But look at us now! Here together, at The Power Of Club. It was worth it.
Solution 3 | Talk to someone
- Your community is there for you, reach out and ask for help. It will help, trust me.
- I opened up about my struggle with my friend Annie Long and we deep-dived into my perfectionistic personality. She patiently listened and gave genuine support. It was so freeing to just talk it out of my system. Don’t keep the commotion bottled up.
Solution 4 | Find and heal from the root of your perfectionistic trait
- My root traces back to childhood. I lacked validation from relatives, close community, and adults that played an important role in my life (excluding my parents. Bless their hearts, they supported me in every way).
- The lack of validation made me question my worth and value. And at a very young age, I learned that the answer to my question was to be perfect. I understood that to be perfect means to be flawless and to be flawless means to be worthy of love and validation.
- This was a very faulty mindset, but it was the only way a young child could comprehend her lack of support. She did not understand that it was not her fault others could not see her light.
In reference to the work of Tal Ben-Sahar, instead of being a perfectionist, I am choosing to be an optimalist. An optimalist strives for excellence, embraces failure, and accepts reality. An optimalist seeks feedback, uses fear as fuel, and focuses on growth.
Like a perfectionist, an optimalist has high expectations and are high achiever, but they understand the path to success is not a straight line and they are not afraid of the journey.
I know I won’t be a perfect optimalist; I will have my days where perfectionism will creep up from behind, ready to attack. But I know I can trust my newfound self to fight off the sickness and be completely satisfied with not being perfect.
Being imperfect is so freeing. I feel lighter, happier, and brighter. My productivity has noticeably increased, and my bravery is off the charts. I’m more accepting of mistakes and more accepting of myself.
As a former perfectionist, I have one thing to say:
The grass is surely greener on the other side. See you there.
